December holidays bring images of joy. But in reality, they also bring anxiety and stress.

Experts say that by being deliberate, setting realistic goals, and reveling in the immediate, anyone can better cope with and enjoy the season.

Make it your own

For many, holiday events and traditions unfold without much personal choice, deliberate planning or time for reflection.

“When two people get married, you merge two families’ holiday traditions,” says Barbara Howard of Mooresville. “In a blended family situation, you not only have the couple’s traditions, you have the children’s other side of the family…. You have to balance that, and you have to respect the needs of the individuals involved.”

Howard longed to have blissful feelings during the holidays. After discovering the book “Unplug the Christmas Machine: A Complete Guide to Putting Love and Joy Back into the Season” by Jo Robinson and Jean Coppock Staeheli, Howard embraced the idea of planning a holiday season that would give everyone in her family the opportunity to cherish one another while making unique memories.

The book’s authors created a workshop that guided participants through inventorying their annual holiday traditions, assessing their values, planning a fantasy celebration and then setting goals to make a workable plan.

“The workshop gives people the tools they need to make any changes in their celebration if they are not currently satisfied with what they are doing,” says Howard, who has offered the workshop annually.

The workshop’s first exercise involves taking an inventory of participants’ practices for holiday preparation, finances, traditions, children, charity, physical well-being, the spirit of Christmas, family and friends and gifts.

Next, participants assess their values during the holiday season. With 10 values to choose from, participants prioritize options such as “Christmas is a time to remember the poor, lonely and needy.” Then, participants create a fantasy celebration. Finally, they set goals to make a workable plan for the coming season.

Creating structure gives children what they really want at the holidays: relaxed and loving time with their family, realistic expectations about gifts, an evenly paced holiday season and reliable family traditions, Howard says. One of Howard’s favorite suggestions involves celebrating the 12 days of Christmas by giving each family member a task to complete in an envelope each morning during the days between Christmas and Three Kings’ Day. For example, on the fifth day of Christmas, the task might read, “Give a high-five to anyone who does something kind today and, at dinner, share five things you like about each person.”

Favorite gift ideas include writing letters to each family member, and having grandparents record a children’s book on CD and then giving the recording and book as a child’s gift. A great activity: telling children’s birth stories in recognition of Christmas being rooted in a birth story.

“Not everyone celebrates Christmas, but these principles can be applied to a religious celebration or a non-religious celebration.

The questions are: ‘Why is this celebration valuable,’ and ‘What message do we want to send about this celebration’? If you are feeling empty at any celebration, then there is something that’s not right there,” she says.

More information

Want to learn more about “Unplug the Christmas Machine?” Visit www.simpleliving.net.

Interested in Barbara Howard’s workshop or having her lead a workshop for you and your friends before or after the holidays? Email her at peacefulholidays@gmail.com.